Feeling so very unsafe …

“We disappoint, we disappear, we die but we don’t.”

These words of Sondheim’s are really hitting me at the moment. I have been a disappointment to some people, I know, and in some cases I hurt because of that. I especially hate it when it was unintentional but seen as intentional. I wonder about why a person would think I’d be deliberately hurtful. Is that what the person thinks of me? It’s a curious thing.

Meanwhile I feel as if I am just hanging on … the world doesn’t feel safe. I still believe God is good (if I didn’t I wouldn’t want to believe in God, really!), but God is also puzzling. Rotten things are happening, both little rotten and Big Rotten. I don’t feel safe posting on Facebook any longer: flowers and music yes, but no more thoughts, no more (frequently misunderstood) words, no more links to anything controversial. I’m just in too vulnerable a state right now.

2 thoughts on “Feeling so very unsafe …

  1. Patty, I don’t know about your frame of mind, but you are one of the most solidly grounded people I know in terms of your personal and social ethics. And I’ve known you for a long time…

    I would not worry about other people misunderstanding your motives or actions – if the misunderstanding is troubling, put your position on the table. It’s got to be as good as theirs.

    You have a solid career, a well established second career, a loving family, and a wonderful group of friends. Take comfort in that, and stop beating yourself up.

  2. Thanks, Bob! I was just caught off guard by a friend’s reaction to something, along with the implication that had I not been told how the person felt our friendship would be over. That was not something I was prepared for, and my initial action that caused the issue was completely innocent. I’m still reeling a bit, but I’ll get over that, I’m sure.

    I think, mostly, that our current world has me puzzled, flummoxed, sad, horrified … you name it, I’ve felt it. But so it goes!

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