the pattyo

***Dan’s Trip

Dan took a trip to Della Falls. He’s put his pictures up. They’re quite beautiful!
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***Sadness

Sometimes things happen that I can’t stop. So much is out of our hands. There are times I want to change what is going on, and I feel pretty darn helpless and unhelpful.

But I can pray. And I am praying. And I will continue to do so.

Email news comes at me fast and furious these past few months bearing sad news. News via the phone too. Heartbreaking news. News I want to change. News I want to cancel out somehow. News I have no control over.

This is life.

Life is hard.

God is good.

These two things I know.
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***Visits

Very few people visit this site. I know, because I can see the number of hits. I can also see how some visitors got here, if they are coming from a referral. The funny thing is, I sometimes get a hit because someone is searching on “apology poems”. I’m sure the individual is disappointed; my apology poem is only apologizing to my “poetry square” for not writing poems! Ah well. Maybe I should write a genuine (but generic) apology poem, for those who need one. I wonder. Or maybe I should write an apology poem about not writing apology poems. That might work.

***Dan is Home

Dan got home sometime while I was asleep. He did wake me enough for me to realize he was home safe (don’t know if he’s “sound” since we haven’t actually spoken). Then I was also awake enough to know my hands hurt like crazy. Guess it’s Aida’s fault. Oh well. Sometimes playing a lot makes my hands sore, and they ache the most at night, when I’m trying to sleep. There’s help out there, though … thank you Tylenol PM!
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***It Has Been A Week

Really. But you knew that already, oh reader (I’m assuming maybe I have one reader out there!) of this little blog.

I had an Aida rehearsal, sound check, and then the shows began. It’s not really that tough of a book (easy, in fact), but I am still getting “notes” from the conductor, and in my typically insecure manner I fear he doesn’t care for my playing.

At the same time I think he likes my playing.

Sure, those two thoughts are contradictory. That’s typical of me. And, now that I’ve been told what Orson Scott Card wrote in his book about writing, perhaps it’s typical of anyone doing the “art thing”. He says, under “The Writer’s Self Image”:

1. The story I am now working on is the greatest work of genius ever written in English.
2. The story I am now working on is worthless drivel.

Yup. That’s me. As I wrote to my pals at X-Act, “I’m God’s gift to oboe. I’m God’s punishment on the oboe.”

Ah the struggle!

Meanwhile, along with performing Aida, I have been working out with Kelsey at the club (yay!), teaching oboe students (yay, again!), trying to keep a house clean, and yesterday I also had to take Kelsey to the dentist (she’ll insert a hearty “boo” here). Note that I didn’t write anything about cooking dinner? Yeah. Me too.

Dan should be home from his canoeing vacation soon. That will be nice. Of course he leaves again soon, so it’s not like he’s here for long. But it’s nice to know he’ll be checking in!
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***Love Them Tests!

Ah yes … earlier today I found out that I’m a “foil fencer”. I took a test and lo and behold there ya go! They told me:

You are a foil fencer.
Foil is a weapon of calculation and passion. You glide easily between attack
and defense. You can flick to the back or thrust to the chest.
Foil: 30
Epee: 20
Sabre: 5

Just now I took another test. A “What kind of villain are you?” No surprise on this one. I’m “Despondent Villian”. Awwww.

Well, yeah, that’s probably true. At least it would be true if I were a villain. But I’m not.
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The tug-of-war with words refusing to
behave, to fit the line that I’ve request-
ed simply has to stop! We can’t go on.
Our passionate embraces don’t deny
the struggles and the awkward ways we kissed.
Relationships with language do not work.
To entertain a love affair, attempt
devotion with these fickle letters; one
should run from any notion that the words
could possibly not stray; they love to roam.
I’ll write no more. I’ll fondle no more nouns
or verbs, leave pesky adjectives alone
and wildly misbehaving adverbs may,
as far as I’m concerned, go quietly
away. It’s over. Breakup time has come.
So words, take all your letters and go home.

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I fear the bugs are crawling through my hair
and making homes and offices throughout
the strands of brown and gray. I wonder where
they got their plans. Did some creator shout
to them, give orders and demand they share
my head with me? I want them to move out,
no matter what their god commands. Nowhere
in scripture am I told to care about
these little creatures. Is this really right?
When did the critters land upon this ball?
Would we have found them in the Garden? Might
they only have appeared after the Fall?
A pair just mated (Ouch!) and nipped my head
I think I’ll give up now, I’m going to bed.
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And finally, when all that’s living dies,
when sun and moon have set in permanence
and truer light shines, blinding to our eyes,
we will bow down. When sorrow’s influence
is shattered, holy joy will flood the space
that once was crowded, full of wounds and sin.
The darkness overcome, we’ll find our place
is at your feet: our freedom shall begin.
But now we live our lives on solid ground
and wants and needs demand our time. We feel,
so often, tied to all we see around
we stop desiring heaven. It’s appeal
becoming less, we cling to what we know
and fear the splendor, daring not to go.
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I didn’t take the time to write.
I watched a baseball game one night
that stole my time just like a crook.
Another night I had to cook
which you should know takes all my might.

To know the form I’d need insight.
But did I study? I’m contrite!
I didn’t even read the book.
I didn’t take the time.

So now I’m in a fit of fright–
I hope you understand my plight.
If only I would take a look,
but I won’t bite the rondeau hook.
I didn’t take the time.

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***Exercise

For a whopping two weeks now I have been going to the Almaden Valley Athletic Club. Yes, I’ve missed a few days, but I’ve been going when I’m able to, and Kelsey goes as well. I’m actually loving the exercise. I know some folks can’t stand to work out indoors, but it suits me well. So far Kelsey & I have been taught how to use some of the fitness machines, and have had a “fitness evaluation.” I didn’t test as poorly as I though I would, which was nice. And I’m already feeling better (and stronger!) than I did when we began. Monday we learn how to use the weight equipment. Who knows … maybe I’ll become more fit in my forties than I ever was before!

And I can watch ESPN, including the Giants (!!!!) while I work out. Yay!
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