I had a wonderful Saturday at the reception for the Sierra Art Trails exhibit “The Figure Revealed”. I’m not much of a party girl, and socializing isn’t my cup of tea for the most part, but it was lovely to meet some people, and attempt conversation (I say “attempt” due to my ineptness in that department!). I also played a couple of the Britten Metamorphoses on oboe, and that was more safely in my comfort zone. Not that I don’t get nervous, but I’m used to that kind of nervousness.
I was pleasantly surprised to find I received one of the three “honorable mentions” for my “Dangerous Curves” work, and that included a bottle of wine. Not bad for a very first show of my very first serious framed work (I’d framed a couple of other prints, but not with mats and not in a professional manner).
That being said, I’m not really one who likes competition or comparison. I’m the same way with music. I want people to like or not like what I do. I’m really uncomfortable being compared to others. I’m just not into that kind of thing. Besides, comparing so many extremely different works of art seems like comparing apples to chocolate to cheese to me. I love ‘em all. Just for different reasons. There were all sorts of apples, chocolates and cheeses at the show … and very wonderful ones, too!
That being written, I was excited and honored to be recognized for my work! Yet I will continue to suffer from imposter’s syndrome, feeling as if I’m just fooling people — or perhaps they are all just being kind to me because they feel sorry for me. I go back and forth between those two thoughts with both my music making and my photography. Yep. That’s just me in a NUTshell!
Here … have some photos for putting up with nutty old me! Let’s see … what to choose, what to choose? I think I’ll go pink today!
I am so delighted to hear rain on the roof, and look out the window and see the birdbath full of water. Exciting times here in the neighborhood.
And rain means our flowers should be happy. Hooray!
Here are some flowers from last year, since I continue my trek through 2014 photos (this is going to take a good long time … but also a good FUN time!):
After framing my prints I shipped them off. It’s rather strange to send my “babies” off to a place I’ve never been. A first for me. I’m grateful that I was notified that they arrived safe and sound and look just fine. (I know how boxes get tossed … sometimes as if they carriers have to see just how hard they can throw them, it seems!) Now I look forward to the reception … although playing oboe for it means I also get nervous.
Oh heck, I’d be nervous anyway: people will be looking at my works with what I’m sure will be a critical eye. I just hope they enjoy them!
For the first time I have seen some of my prints framed and matted in large frames! I have done two photos smaller, but that’s just not the same. This is exciting and, to be honest, very encouraging because … dare I admit this? … they look good! I’m quite happy with the results, and it make me want to do more. Trouble is, I have to use Dan’s printer to print them, because the largest paper I can use with my printer is 13×19 and these need to be 17×22. That’s not a huge issue, but until I have the right drivers (I think that’s the correct term) for his printer I have to have his help and the printing has to be done from his computer. I don’t want to bother him but, even more, I want to do it all myself.
Yes. I sound like a child. “I want to do it all by myself!”
Still, the photos are matted, framed, boxed, and heading out to the exhibit later this morning. Now I just pray they arrive there unharmed. (I packed very carefully, but I know how things can get treated when they are shipped like this.)
Someone I know very well once told me two things about myself that still haunt me, and they were told to me many years ago. (No, it’s not anyone who would read this. Trust me on that!)
“You are a snob!”
“You intimidate me.”
They were not said to be mean. They were said as kindly as one can say such things. They were said to help me see things differently. They may have been said to help me change and grow as well.
Now the first is one that doesn’t surprise me. I am a snob. I try not to be (truly!) but I know I’m a snob about certain things, and especially about the arts. But the latter? It seems that in order to intimidate I should be smarter. At least smarter than the person who told me that fact. I was not. I am not. I will never be. I wish I were smarter, but I’m too lazy to put a lot of effort into getting there. Go figure.
A smart person wouldn’t write “Go figure.”
One thing she didn’t say was “You are tremendously judgmental.”
I am that, to be sure.
I had to laugh at myself the other day when I made some harsh judgements about someone I saw on a walk. I was thinking that if that person said, “Don’t judge!” as people do sometimes before or after they do or say something that might bug the observer/listener, I would probably have to respond, “Too late.”
I don’t like these things about myself. Well, I’m not so sure about the intimidation one … perhaps that was more about the person who told me. I wonder. How in the world could a simple person like me be intimidating? But if it IS true, what to do about it?
Another thing that makes me annoyed with myself is my selfishness.
I guess this is my “blog of confession”, isn’t it? My walk brought this on. Actually this has been brewing for a number of walks now.
I’m just very selfish with my time, with my space, and my privacy. I might spout on my blogs, but I’m in control of these places, and I only share the parts of me that I’m willing to share. (Yes, I’m perfectly willing to share my bad traits. I’m not so willing to share my fears and you won’t find me writing too much about those: they are many.)
Do I want to change? Will I work on change?
I really don’t know. I will be quite honest about that.
We used to have a magnolia tree right by our front door. I really despised the thing: it was quite messy, and because of where it was planted —in a very small cove, really— we never really saw the blooms that were above the roof line. (Our “front” door is toward the back of the house with very little space.) On my walks, though, I love seeing the magnolias. They can be pretty amazing!
Life is gradually gettting back to normal (the “normal” Dan and I are used to, in any case), and that’s always a good thing. I’m realizing more and more that i need to have things to do in order to feel of any worth at all. I wonder what it will be like when I fully retire. Will I handle it okay? Will I be depressed? Will I die soon after, as so many do?
Then again, I am going to bet I die before I am even able to fully retire, so maybe I have nothing to worry about!